


Slap or Kiss

by nameless_wanderer



Series: A Worthy Explanation [6]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Evan plays a game of slap or kiss, M/M, One Shot, its all fun and games, kinda almost a crossover with bmc, lots of interaction with ocs, lots of the characters get drunk, same au as A Worthy Explanation, until its not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 17:30:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11445636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nameless_wanderer/pseuds/nameless_wanderer
Summary: When Evan talked to Jared in the orchard, he misremembered a tiny detail. The game wasn't spin the bottle, it was slap or kiss, and it was a pretty heinous night. This is the story of that night.





	Slap or Kiss

To say Evan was uncomfortable at most parties would be a massive understatement. He would do almost anything to avoid parties. What had pretty much been his first high school party had ended in complete disaster, featuring a literal panic attack in the bathroom of his best friend. Colton was well aware of this, but Colton also hated going to parties alone, and so constantly invited Evan, the only person in town he really knew, to join him. Evan declined each time. And yet somehow, each time Evan found himself at some random college party and not completely loathing it. When Colton introduced Evan to Jenna it only got worse. Jenna and Colton were the ultimate duo, and every time they wanted to do something, they would go through the same process. They would invite Evan when he could go, he would say no, they would plead, he would say no again, and two seconds later they would be in Jenna's car already on their way.

Evan was grateful this party was a lot smaller than most, just a few of Colton and Jenna's friends because apparently Jenna's friend's parents had like a condo or something? In any case, Evan was standing in the corner of the room, comfortably avoiding everybody and sipping on his ice water. Naturally, Colton and Jenna were doing everything they could to get Evan out from the corner. So naturally, once the two had gotten reasonably drunk, they headed Evan's way with another boy.

"Evan! You're here!" Colton hugged Evan just a little too tightly.

Evan gave a bemused look. "Been here this entire time. You and Jenna drove me here. Remember?"

Jenna ignored this comment. "There's someone we want you to meet." Jenna gestured to the boy standing a little bit behind her and Colton. Colton's face lit up.

"Right! Evan, this is Coda. Coda, this is the one and only Evan Hansen. You know, from the Connor Project speech?"

"Right, right, I remember seeing that. That was some powerful stuff." Coda extended a hand and Evan gently shook it. "Good to actually meet you, Colton is always going on about you."

"Oh, believe me, you should hear how often he talks about you." Coda gave a quick smile in response to this. Jenna put an arm around Evan.

"Evan is just, like, the sweetest guy ever."

Evan uncomfortably shook her arm off of him. "Please don't put me on that pedestal, I can't live up to it." Colton's arm quickly replaced Jenna's.

"And, just like I said, Coda. Super adorable. Just look at that cute face!" Evan shifted uncomfortably and turned his head to look at Colton. Colton beamed at him, moved his head in close, and touched his nose to Evan.

"Yeah, I-I mean, we all saw the video, Colton." Coda's voice sounded almost mildly annoyed. Evan quickly moved his head away and escaped from Colton's grasp.

"Yeah, Colton, you're drunk," Evan said. Jenna put a hand on Colton's shoulder.

"Come now, my dear," she said to Colton. "It's clear these two aren't feeling the love tonight. Let's let them get acquainted." Colton nodded and waved at the two as Jenna led him away.

Coda pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry about him, he's a little… like that."

Evan chuckled. "Oh, yeah, I've dealt with him drunk before. Usually by this point he's flirting with… everybody."

Coda rolled his eyes. "Right? It's the worst."

"I give him…maybe two more drinks before he's just rambling about how grateful he is for his friends and just rambling, like, non-stop about you."

Coda stopped. "He rambles about me?"

Evan nodded. "Not just when he's drunk, too."

"What does he say?"

Evan shrugged. "He's told me about what a fantastic musician you are. Said the two of you want to write a musical someday?"

Coda nodded. "Except I'm missing, like, a plot. And a script." He chuckled. "I like to think I'm pretty good at music, but I'm not that much of a writer. I'll prolly have to find a librettist."

Evan nodded. "Well, I think that's just excellent. I love singing. I don't know that I'm terribly good at it. But I like to think I'm pretty good at writing."

"You are. I saw that speech. It was… It blew me away."

Evan kinda chuckled. "Actually, that was more or less improvised. I didn't really know I was going to say that stuff, well, until-until I, um, until I actually said it."

"Seriously?" Evan nodded. "That's…that's crazy. I mean, I knew that it hadn't gone quite as planned but… that was on the spot? Shit. You do any work with libretto?"

Evan laughed. "Not yet. Maybe I ought to try my hand at that?"

"I got a few songs you could work with." Coda nodded and smiled. "Is that like, what you want to do? What you're majoring in?"

Evan shrugged. "Maybe. I'm also really interested in environmental science. But I'm on, like, a gap year? I'm just trying to save up. You're like, music or composition I'm guessing?"

"I'm kinda on a gap year too, I guess. I don't really know if college is the best route for me."

Evan nodded. "It's a tough decision. You at least got a job?"

"For now." Coda sighed. "I just… I need to escape that town. And, I mean college was the easiest ways, but…" he shook his head. "Like, I have a plan. Kinda. But I'm not sure."

Evan tilted his head. "What's the plan?"

"So has Colton told you about the BQ?" Evan thought about it, but his face retained a confused expression. He knew the term was familiar but couldn't place it. "Barbershop Quartet? Four of our friends who are just, like, super musicians?"

Evan snapped his finger. "Yes. He's told me about them."

"Well, the BQ has family in the New York area. I figure I save up enough money to at least cover the cost of moving and a few months' rent. I'd need to get a job before I could even move there, but I could work on the music for a stage production, help get my music career going. Supposedly it's like, all about proximity and who you know and shit. But I'm not really sure that's the best idea."

Evan nodded. "It's tricky. I have a feeling you're going to do well, but I mean…it's all just difficult. Like, all of it." Evan gestured vaguely.

"You mean the music business or life? Because either way, you're right."

"The latter. Like, we never even asked to be born, and we're supposed to be grateful for it, but nobody ever teaches us how to do things? And somehow we're at fault for not knowing?"

Coda nodded and gestured with his hand. "Right?" The two laughed for a while. Coda looked over towards a small group discussing something or other. Ezra had just said something, and Colton was laughing and leaning in close. Something in Coda's expression changed. "Fuckin' idiot…" he whispered, barely audible.

Evan noticed all of this. "Do you like him?" _Hi, it's me, your brain, quick question: was that a blunt, straightforward question? Because, in case you haven't notice, you're Evan Hansen. You don't exactly do blunt and straightforward._ Evan's eyes opened in shock at what he had just said. "Forget I said anything, it was stupid, I shouldn't have asked, you don't have to answer that of course, I just thought I should—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down." Evan stopped and took a deep breath. "You ok?" Evan nodded. Coda looked back over at Colton before looking at Evan for a few seconds. "It's…complicated. With Colton. There's a lot of weird…resentment almost? On my part?" Coda shook his head and shrugged. "It's complicated."

Evan nodded sympathetically. "I understand complicated. Seems to be my whole life anymore."

At that moment, Jenna ran over and grabbed both of them by the shoulder. "Come with me. Now. We're going to play a game."

"Pass," Coda said.

"I'd really rather not?" Evan said at the same time.

"Uh-uh. No skipping. We're all playing. Including both of you spoil sports." She led them to a large open room where all of the people were slowly gathering around on the floor in a circle. Evan couldn't quite see it, but he thought there was some object in the center of the circle.

"Oh, fuck no," Coda said. "I'm not playing spin the bottle." _Oh._

"If that's the game, Jenna—If that's the game count me out too."

"We're not playing spin the bottle," Jenna replied. The two sighed in relief. "We're playing Slap or Kiss."

"In what way is that any better?" Coda was clearly annoyed, but Evan was still just confused.

"I'm sorry, what's slap or kiss?" Evan asked.

A kid sitting in front of him spun around. "Only the best fucking game ever!" The boy spoke in a slight lisp, and had a distinguishing streak of dyed bright red hair. Upon closer inspection, Evan noticed several prominent burn scars on his skin. He quickly diverted his eyes, afraid of being caught staring at them for too long.

"Evan, this is my high school friend, Rich. Rich, Evan," Jenna introduced the two.

"Hi Rich. So what exactly is slap or kiss?"

"Ok, so you spin the bottle, and you see who it lands on. Then you leave the room. Everyone else discusses and votes on whether the person you landed on gets to slap you or kiss you. The person you landed on doesn't get a vote. So that person has to slap or kiss you while you just sit there, clueless. Then that person spins. It's awesome."

"It's literally the worst game." Coda griped, much to Rich's annoyance.

"Fuckin' fight me."

"Ok, so we're definitely making you two kiss." Evan couldn't tell if Jenna was kidding or not. "But both of you are playing. You're not getting out of it."

"Jenna, don't take this the wrong way, but I would literally rather light myself on fire than play this stupid game."

"Then grab a match, Coda, because you're playing with us one way or another."

Colton stood up and walked between them, trying to diffuse the tension. "Whoa, whoa, Jenna…he doesn't have to play if he doesn't want to…" Evan noticed a sudden shift in Coda's face, but wondered if he'd just imagined it. "I just thought it would be fun—"

"Fine." Coda interrupted. "I'll play the stupid game." He walked over to the opposite side of the circle, sitting between Ezra and Maureen. In front of Evan, Rich moved over a bit and gestured for Evan to sit down next to him. Evan hesitated, but joined the circle.

"So, who goes first?" Maureen asked, anxious to start.

"Jenna was the one who suggested it. She should go first." Ezra's ability to maintain a cool indifference to almost anything that was going on always impressed Evan. The circle turned to Jenna, who looked fake-offended.

"I can't believe I'm being called out like this! Fine, I'll go." She reached into the circle and gave the bottle a good spin. And Evan's mind started running wild, panicking. _Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. What happens if it lands on me? Ok calm down, it's the first spin it's not going to land on me. It'll be fine. It's be fine._ Evan's anxiety became more pronounced as the bottle slowed down. His heart stopped when the bottle landed on him. "Ooh, Evan. This could be interesting." Jenna stood up and left the room, leaving the others to deliberate.

"Oh my god, they should totally kiss!" Colton exclaimed.

"I think a slap could be pretty funny," Ellie added.

"I really don't want to do either," Evan protested. "Why doesn't the person who it landed on get a vote again?"

"Because the landee could influence the decision based on whether they want to slap or kiss the spinner," Rich explained. Evan thought about which one he'd rather do. _Honestly, both sound equally awful._ "We ready to take a vote? Hands up for slap." Several hands went up, and Evan counted. "And kiss?" Evan knew everyone in the room was counting with him. He hadn't quite worked out the size of the size of the group, but knew which one had more votes.

"Shit," Evan whispered.

"We're ready for you Jenna!" Colton yelled. Jenna marched back into the room and sat in front of Evan, almost giddy with anticipation. But Evan remained hesitant.

"How do I…? I mean, I'm not sure I'm comfortable—"

"Oh, just buck up and do it!" Ezra yelled. Evan looked at Jenna, grinning in front of him. Cautiously, he moved closer to her… and pressed his lips on hers. The group laughed, and he felt Jenna kiss him back slightly.

"You're not that bad a kisser, Evan." Jenna moved back to her place in the circle. "Alright, it's your turn to spin."

Evan sighed, reached into the middle of the circle and gave the bottle a spun, fearing who it would land on, barely daring to watch the result as the bottle slowed to a stop.

"Evan and Ellie!" Maureen said. Evan gave Ellie an uncomfortable glance as he stood up and left the room. He waited outside for what seemed like a lifetime before he was called back in.

He sat down in front of Ellie. He felt uncomfortable staring her in the eyes. He couldn't bear to see what was coming. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. A few seconds passed before he felt something, a pair of lips on his own, for barely longer than a millisecond. He sighed in relief and resumed his place in the circle.

"You call that a kiss?" Maureen chided. She embraced Ellie and pulled her in to a long, passionate kiss, causing the entire circle to chuckle. "Now _that's_ a kiss!"

Ellie spun the bottle, landing on Ezra. Ellie left the room, and they discussed. Surprisingly, Evan found himself having fun, hearing the discussions of why two people should kiss or slap, and had a lot of fun voting along with them. Ellie was (quite gently) slapped by Ezra, who was in turn slapped by Jenna, who was kissed by Maureen, who was slapped by Rich. Evan was enjoying himself, at least until Rich spun and landed on him. Then his stomach did a flip.

"Alright," Rich said, standing up, "you guys have fun deciding. I know whatever you choose Evan will be gentle with me." Rich put a hand on Evan's shoulder, and when Evan turned to look at him, he winked, causing Evan's stomach to fill with butterflies. _Shit._

"So we're totally making Evan slap him, right?" Ellie checked. Maureen looked at her like she was crazy.

"You're kidding, right? They need to kiss, like right now!" she replied.

"I think Rich would be pretty happy with either one." Jenna teased. And something suddenly clicked in Evan's brain.

"Dumb question," he started, "Rich isn't straight, is he?"

Jenna looked at Evan and burst into laughter. "No, dude, he's totally bi."

"Evan, I haven't talked to a heterosexual in weeks," Ezra chimed in, getting a big laugh from everybody.

"Fair enough." A vote was taken, and Rich was called. He bounced back in and sat down next to Evan with a confident smile on his face.

"Do your worst dude." Evan almost laughed. Then he realized he actually had to act. His heart beat faster, and his face fell in hesitation. He took a deep breath, leaned in and kissed Rich, who seemed pleasantly surprised by the action. Rich laughed as he pulled away.

"Shit, Jenna, you were right." Evan gave a timid smile and blushed a little bit. "Your turn Evan."

Evan's face fell again. "Right…" He spun the bottle, regretting coming to the party all over again. He especially regretted it when it landed on Coda. Evan awkwardly stood up and left the room, barely looking at anyone as they started scheming what they would make him do. He didn't really have a problem with Coda, but he barely knew Coda. And he knew that he and Colton had a weird mutual attraction that neither would fully admit to…he knew it was a mess and he didn't want to complicate it. He could hear them voting in the room, and sure enough he was called back in a few seconds later. He sat in front of Coda, unprepared for whatever was going to happen next. He took a deep breath as Coda moved closer, then raised his hand and brought it across Evan's face.

"Ow," Evan deadpanned. The slap itself hurt, but it wasn't a hard slap and he knew he wouldn't feel anything soon, but Coda winced as Evan said this.

"Sorry, I didn't want to—"

"No, no, it's fine. I was scared they were just gonna make me kiss everyone." Everyone laughed at this as Evan took his place in the circle. He watched as Coda spun the bottle, landing on Rich. The group quickly decided the two needed to kiss, and when Rich spun and landed on Colton, the group decided just as quickly that Colton needed to slap him. But then Colton was spinning the bottle, and Evan became worried again. He had a bad feeling about this.

"Please not me, please not me, please not me, please not me…" Evan whispered, provoking a concerned look from Rich. He muttered this as the bottle slowed down, slowly rotating, until it stopped pointing right at him. "Son of a _bitch_!" The others laughed, most not noticing the actual distress in his voice. Colton wiggled his eyebrows suggestively as Evan as he left the room, and Evan felt his stomach do a flip.

"You two are so going to kiss!" Maureen laughed.

"No." Kissing Colton was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

"Wouldn't it be just as funny to watch Colton get slapped by Evan?" Coda asked from across the room. Evan pointed at Coda, trying to get others to listen to him.

Ezra shrugged. "I disagree. I think kissing will provide an optimal outcome."

Rich shook his head. "I don't think this is a good idea…"

"Oh, stop overanalyzing this," Jenna said. "Just put it to a vote. Slap?" Only Coda and Rich raised their hands. "Kiss?" The others raised their hands.

"I hate all of you except for Coda and Rich, and I don't even know them." The others laughed hesitantly as it crossed their mind that maybe, just maybe, Evan wasn't joking around. Colton was called back in, and he practically sprinted in and sat down in front of Evan. Colton closed his eyes which somehow made what Evan had to do harder. Evan glanced around the circle, giving a particularly apologetic look to Coda, who was just silently shaking his head. He breathed, deciding to make this the quickest kiss he could possibly manage.

Unfortunately, as soon as Evan's skin touched Colton's, Colton smiled and reached his arms around Evan in a hug, and began kissing Evan back, harder. Evan felt regret wash over him as the people in the circle gasped. He hated that he was enjoying this, and he hated that he couldn't bring himself to stop. Eventually he flung himself back into the circle, far away from Colton. _What the fuck. Why._ He covered his face in shame, unable to look at anyone. He felt Rich pat him on the back, gently rubbing it as if to assure him.

"Hey, Evan?" Evan turned to look at Rich, face flushed. "You still gotta spin." Evan nodded, reaching in to spin. It landed on Ezra. Evan nodded as he stood up and left the room. He tried to process what just happened, finding a sink and splashing water on his face. And as he processed, he remembered another piece of the puzzle that just made things more complicated.

"Jared. Shit." He sighed. His and Jared's relationship was already weird. They were kinda sorta definitely _going_ to date one day, but they weren't quite dating. There really wasn't any sort of precedent for this thing. And he didn't want to set one that he was ok with what he did or that he did nothing wrong just because they weren't technically dating. He shook his head and pulled out his phone.

> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Hey so
> 
> Um
> 
> I don't know when you're going to see this
> 
> But I have to tell you that something kinda happened
> 
> Because I know Colton is a gossipy bitch
> 
> (especially when he's drunk)
> 
> I'll explain later, but um
> 
> Just know that Colton pretty much forced me to play that godforsaken game
> 
> And that I really regret playing it.
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> I miss you. I wish you were here.
> 
> And I still love you, Jared.

He heard his name being called as he sent the last text. He took another deep breath and walked back into the room, sitting in front of Ezra. He felt relief wash over him as he felt Ezra's hand hit his cheek. He said nothing for a few seconds, just processing everything.

"Shit, did I hit you too hard?"

"No, no…thank you."

Ezra smiled, a little befuddled. "Anytime, dude."

Evan took his place back in the circle. Rich put his hand on Evan's shoulder.

"You ok buddy?" Evan nodded in response. Rich put his hand on Evan's back again, and Evan was grateful to have the support. He said nothing as the game continued, merely raising his hand to vote, mostly voting for slaps. Ezra landed on Maureen. Everybody thought it would be funny to watch the super gay guy kiss the super flirty bisexual, so that's what happened. Maureen landed on Ellie, so naturally Ellie was made to slap Maureen. Ellie landed on Jenna, and after much deliberation they were made to kiss. And Jenna landed on Colton, and it was decided they should kiss too. And so Evan's stomach flipped as Colton spun the bottle once more, somewhat grateful when it didn't land on him. And then he realized who it had landed on. Colton smiled at Coda as he left the room. Coda kept a grim expression.

"So, I think we all know what's about to happen," Ezra's tone of voice was, as always, matter of fact.

"No." Coda replied. Everyone stared at him, surprised. "I know what you're going to do, and I'm telling you. Not tonight. Not right now." The others hesitated, confused by his serious tone.

"Guys?" Evan spoke up. "I think we owe him this." The others thought about it, and slowly realized what Evan and Coda meant.

Rich leaned in a little bit. "We should vote." The vote was taken. Evan noted that for probably the first time all night, it was unanimous. Colton came back in, sitting in front of Coda, seemingly oblivious to the quiet, solemn atmosphere that had now take hold of the game. He waited in anticipation, a dumb smile on his face. Lightning fast, Coda raised his hand and slapped Colton so hard that the others could hear how much it hurt. Evan nearly winced at the sound, and he thought he saw a mark on Colton's face.

"Coda, what the fuck?" Colton wasn't angry, but seemed confused. They all waited in silence for a few seconds, and they noticed a smile spread across Coda's face. And suddenly, Coda was laughing, just a few quiet chuckles, but it made everything seem uncomfortable.

"That felt good. Fuck." Coda shook his head, looking around at the circle. He stood up. "I think I'm gonna sit out for a few rounds. Get some fresh air." Nobody said a word as they all watched Coda walk out of the room.

Colton looked around at the group, confused. "Did I do something wrong?" Evan looked at the ground. _I just wish I could stop feeling awful about this. I just wish…I wish I hadn't come tonight._ Another party that was likely to go down in Evan's books as a reason to avoid parties. _I need to do something._

"Don't follow me," Evan said standing up.

Rich gave him a curious look. "You sure this is a good idea?" Evan shrugged. He didn't know if any of his ideas were good. But he was trying to get better at not doubting himself. He looked Rich in the eyes, silently pleading. Rich just nodded, understanding. Evan walked out of the room, and started looking for Coda. He quickly saw him outside on the porch, looking out over the skyline, away from the house.

Evan slid the door open. "Hey. Mind if I join you?" Coda didn't turn around, just shrugging. Evan joined him, separated on the railing by a few feet. The two didn't look at each other, just focused on the skyline. He knew he wanted to be there for Coda, but didn't know what to say. _Literally say anything. Anything. Right now._ "Didn't have you pegged as the jealous type." _No, not that, anything but that._

Coda shrugged. "I'm not. Usually. And what have I got to be jealous of? I'm not dating Colton. Why do I give a shit?"

"'Not dating.' I understand that mess of feelings."

Coda sighed. "It's just…suddenly he's here and every time I talk with him on the phone it's about how amazingly adorable Evan Hansen is, or how hilariously energetic Jenna Rolan is."

"Like I said, you should hear what he says about you. You're pretty much all he talks about."

Coda didn't react to this. "I don't know why I care so much. It's just…I dunno. We have a complicated history."

"I understand complicated histories pretty well too."

Coda shook his head. "You wouldn't understand."

Evan turned to Coda. "Try me." He thought he hear Coda scoff. And for some reason this set him off. "Fine. I'll start." Evan took a deep breath. "Start of senior year. I was obsessed with this girl, Zoe. I have to write a therapy letter and I happen to mention her in it. This letter ends up in the hands of her brother. The only person I tell is this guy, Jared, who's the closest thing I have to a friend. Except he insists that we're not friends, we're 'family friends' and there's a difference. But he gives some advice that's just really not helpful. And I'm called up to the office a few days later, and it turns out Zoe's brother died, and they've mistaken my therapy letter for a suicide note. So I have to tell my crush's grieving parents that their son's last words were really written by me because I'm super depressed. And I have to explain why I mentioned their daughter—who by the way is a year younger than me—in this super depressing note.

"I give them some half-truth about wanting a friend, and they tell Zoe but she doesn't believe me. So she confronts me, and I end up telling her the truth, but she says we can be friends. Jared is now watching this drama like a goddamn soap opera, so I resolve to cut him out of my life. So naturally, that afternoon he shows up on my doorstep with a bag of popcorn and insists I tell him what happened, and I try but I just can't kick him out. Eventually I tell him and we actually bond, almost becoming friends, and he starts trying to almost set me up with Zoe. I find out that another almost-sorta-kinda-friend, Alana, also has a crush on Zoe, and I decide to step back and let Alana figure out her feelings. But I fuck up with Zoe and basically pull the worst possible move, pretty much abandoning her when she needed friends. But we do become friends somehow, and somehow I'm fine with not dating her and my crush on her fades.

"So Jared invites me to his house one night with a bunch of camp friends. He's drunk, but I'm having fun, and for the first time I think I truly realize how _good_ Jared makes me feel, like I belong. There's this warmth that I felt around him that I just couldn't articulate until that party. And I tell him how happy I am that we're friends. But he kisses me, and I have a fucking panic attack, and I freak out because I'm convinced he's just playing with my emotions. So Zoe tries to fix things, and tries to explain that Jared actually has had a huge crush on me for the longest time. And I almost believe her. But then she kisses me. And then she makes a huge mistake. And I'm freaking out for a lot of reasons at this point, because I haven't been eating, or sleeping or taking my medication. And I'm trying to reconcile my own feelings for Jared with the persona of him I've created in my mind, because I just start acting like a dick to everyone, but especially to him. So I decide it would be best for everyone if I climb up a tree…and take the quick way down.

"But my friends found me, thank god, and took me to the hospital. And eventually I talk with Jared and I realize I love him too. But I tried to kill myself, and I hurt everyone I cared about with that, and I realized that more than anything, I want to do whatever I can to avoid hurting Jared, and if we were together, I could hurt him in so many ways, even if I wasn't suicidal. And it's been, what, a year now? And I'm still terrified of dating him because I just know I'm going to hurt him but I miss him every day and I hate that he went to college out of state and I regret everything I did but I can't do anything because what if I still feel that way? I nearly broke his heart when I fell as his friend, but as his boyfriend? I can't take that risk. So don't tell me I wouldn't understand. I get it if you don't want to tell me but give me that bullshit of 'wouldn't understand.' Out of everyone here, I would probably understand it best."

Coda stared at Evan, wide-eyed. "Wow. I'm, uh, sorry. I shouldn't have said it that way." Coda looked down. "I guess I took that game a little more personally than I let on." He sighed. "So the situation with Colton. Basically, I've known I was gay for ages, but it was really just, like, theoretical. Like, I knew I liked boys in the way that most other boys like girls, but I didn't really get that many crushes on guys I knew. So I come out—both as gay and an atheist—to my very catholic private school towards the end of my freshman year. That afternoon, I'm assaulted by these two jackasses, and before I completely black out, I see this girl, Jacqueline. We're not friends, but I need help, so I lock eyes with her and silently beg for help, but I see her run away. I come to lying on a park bench, no idea how I got there. I decide I need to run away from home for a bit. It was not a good time. And because I saw Jacqueline abandon me in my time of need, we pretty much become arch-nemeses.

"Fast forward two years, my best friend Faith accidentally tells people she's agnostic, and she's just getting shit from everyone, especially Jacqueline, who's got this whole 'holier-than-thou' thing going on. She shows up to a birthday party for the BQ with her boyfriend, who we all knew existed but haven't really met before now. So he introduces himself, and his name is Colton, and I want to hate him…but he's so fucking attractive to me for some reason. So now my sexuality isn't so theoretical anymore. And we have this weird moment after Jacqueline leaves, but like I go on with my life. Meanwhile Faith is still going through a rough time and ends up running away.

"So a few days past, and I go looking for her younger sibling for…lots of different reasons, but I run into Colton, who I discover loves music, just like me. And our voices sound good together, and we talk about running away to New York. And in this in depth conversation he gets aroused, and we talk about how Jacqueline wants to remain celibate so I decide that must be the reason, that he's just got like, way too much testosterone and just no release. But he keeps talking and joking and making suggestive innuendos, at first accidental but then intentional, and it's almost flirting, but he's dating my arch-nemesis and he's super straight, right? So I pretty much nope the fuck out of there.

"I get a call from him a few days after, and I'm angry at myself because I let my guard down around the enemy or whatever. Turns out he stayed up for like forty-eight hours searching for Faith and then Jacqueline, who, apparently, is going through her own shit. I beg him to just get some sleep, and lots of shit happens. But I talk to him and…kinda sorta not really confess my feelings for him, except it turns out he was flirting and is actually pansexual which is just…confusing to me. But we become friends. He stops dating Jacqueline, and we just have this weird uncomfortable flirtation ever since." Coda sighed.

"That's rough," Evan commiserated.

"So. What are we supposed to do?"

Evan shrugged. "Jared and I implicitly know we're going to date someday. If I can work up the nerve. I dunno. We've kissed a few times. We cuddle. Hold hands sometimes. You and Colton?"

"We flirt. But we don't really do anything. I think…I think we kissed once? But I don't want to do anything while I'm still trying to be friends with Jacqueline. Which sucks…" He shook his head. "I don't want to lose my virginity to him. I think I've lusted after him for…too long. I think doing that with him would be a bad idea."

Evan blushed a little. "I dunno. I think if you know you're going to be fine, regardless of what happens in a relationship, sex isn't that big a deal. Not if you don't let it be."

"And you and Jared will always be ok? Regardless of relationship drama?"

Evan thought about it before nodding. "We've talked about it. I think we're always going to need each other. You and Colton?"

"I have no idea. I guess I haven't thought about it."

"Maybe you two have some stuff talk about."

"Yeah. Maybe."

Evan took one more breath of the cool night air. "Well, I won't bother you much longer if you want to be alone out here."

"No, no, you're… you're fine." Evan nodded, put a hand on Coda's shoulder, and walked back to the door. "Hey, I'm…I'm sorry for how I acted."

"It's ok. But I'm not really the one you need to apologize to, am I?"

"Maybe…maybe I could send you some of my songs some time. If you're ok with it. See if we can create a story together."

Evan smiled. "I think I'd like that." He headed back inside and sat on the first available chair. He sat in the chair, just relaxing for a few seconds. It was only a minute or so before Rich walked in.

"Hey. Is Coda alright?"

Evan nodded. "Just standing on the porch. Thinking some things through. How's the game going?"

"Honestly it started falling apart when you two left. Pretty much just Ellie and Maureen started making out. Colton was left wondering what the hell happened. I made out a little with Jenna and Ezra. We're just kinda doing whatever right now. Colton wants to talk to Coda." At that moment, Colton walked in.

"Hey guys. Have you seen—" Colton looked out the window and saw Coda. "Never mind." He walked to the porch door, opened it, and spoke to Coda. "Hey. Can we… can we maybe talk? Preferably not outside in the cold?" Evan watched Coda follow Colton inside, then look around unaware of a place to talk. Colton looked to Rich, a little panicked. The shorter boy understood.

"Master bedroom. No one will be able to hear you."

Coda looked up, surprised. "We're not going to, like—"

"I know," Rich quickly interrupted, "Not what I was trying to say. Just…I have a feeling you're going to be talking about some very personal things."

"Oh." Coda eyed Rich with curiosity before following Colton to the room. Rich sighed and sat down next to Evan, exhausted.

"So how are you, Evan?"

"Better than before."

"You know, I didn't say it when Jenna introduced it, but I really loved your speech. Really thought provoking. I mean…" he gestured to the burns on his body, "I've clearly been through some shit." Evan winced. "Your video found me at a good time. Changed me for the better. I even started following the page and shit. Saw the hospital livestream. Still look forward to those updates."

"Thanks." Evan chuckled. "But hearing that kind of thing will never not be weird."

"Ok, say no more, let's talk about something else." Evan nodded. "What's _your_ love life like? Is it as fucked up as Colton's?"

Evan was taken aback by how blunt the question was. "Um, kinda? Like, well, um… Well for starters, I didn't know I liked guys too until, like, really late in high school."

"Are you shitting me?" Evan shook his head, confused, and Rich burst into laughter. "Dude, I was the same way! I had some…external factors but, like, I felt like I was so late to realizing I was bi."

"Me too honestly." Evan laughed with Rich a bit, glad he wasn't the only one.

"You got anybody special, Evan?"

Evan coughed. "Um. Kinda. Remember Jared from the livestream? Um, yeah."

Rich's eyes widened, and a smile crept across his face. "I called it, I fucking called it. Shit. Jake owes me twenty bucks."

Evan shook his head. "We're not really dating…but we kinda went to prom together? And We've said we love each other. A lot."

Rich smiled. "That's fucking adorable. What's stopping you from dating?"

Evan shrugged. "Kinda a long story. Short version is I'm terrified I'll hurt him by dating him in a way that would irreparably damage our relationship. But, um, I think we will date. When I'm ready one day."

"That's good."

"I guess so. What about you? You got anybody?"

Rich eyed Evan, as if unsure. "Kinda? It's a long story and I'm not drunk enough to tell it."

Evan nodded. "Say no more."

Rich sighed and looked around. "I think people are crashing. There's no way Jenna and Colton are going to be able to get you home tonight, they're too drunk. There's a room somewhere or something, I think…"

"I can take the couch. Or hell, this chair even."

Rich laughed at that. "I can get you a blanket for the couch. Though just be aware I will likely be sleeping somewhere on the floor nearby." Evan laughed at this. He helped Rich set up the couch and moved together several chairs so that Rich wouldn't have to lie on the floor. The two just relaxed on their respective sleeping surfaces, browsing their phones and chatting a little bit as the night became even later. And as it got really late, Evan got some messages.

> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> sorry i was sleeping
> 
> u ok evan
> 
> everthing alright?
> 
> what did colton do
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Yes I'm fine!
> 
> Colton just made me play this dumb party game
> 
> Not quite like spin the bottle?
> 
> I'll explain everything later, I didn't mean to worry you and I def didn't mean to wake you
> 
> Go back to sleep.
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> no i woke up for different reasons
> 
> what happened in the game
> 
> should i be worried
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Basically it got really intense?
> 
> There's some stuff that Colton needs to talk about with Coda
> 
> Sidenote: I finally met Colton's friend Coda
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> is he cute
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Haha
> 
> You know I have eyes only for you
> 
> But on an unrelated note, Jenna (Colton's choir friend) has a friend named Rich
> 
> And he's a total Bisexual Babe.
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> (･A･)
> 
> is he hotter than me
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> It's subjective
> 
> No but we had pretty similar experiences.
> 
> It was good to meet somebody else who didn't realize they were gay for forever before they came out
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> im glad u made a bi friend
> 
> also glad u still like me
> 
> & i miss u too
> 
> wish i could be there
> 
> kiss ur blushing face
> 
> along with other parts of ur body
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> Jared!
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> what i wouldnt give to see the look on ur face rite now
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> It's pretty late Jared.
> 
> We should both be sleeping right now
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> :p
> 
> fine
> 
> i love u so damn much evan hansen
> 
> **Evan Hansen**
> 
> I love you too
> 
> Night <3
> 
> **Jared Kleinman**
> 
> night <3

 

Evan smiled, almost blissfully. He could tell Jared the details of the game later. Right now, he just wanted to fall asleep, thinking of him, and seeing Jared in his dreams.

* * *

 

Evan woke up earlier than anyone else at the party, he reckoned. He had stood up off the couch, unsure of where he was for a few seconds before remembering the events of the previous evening. He had made himself a small bowl of cereal from the pantry. He had stretched and walked around outside, just waking up. He had been texting Zoe a little bit, and had wondered if she was drunk as she was just rambling about how much she loved and missed Alana, and he had responded by rambling about Jared. He had just texted something about his eyes when he saw Colton enter the room.

"Morning, Colton."

"Morning."

"How'd it go with Coda?"

"Well, um…we kinda…we sorta hooked up?"

Evan shook his head at these words. "Ugh."

"Right, you're Evan, you don't like those details."

Evan looked up at him. "No, I just hate that phrasing. You 'hooked up.' What the hell does that mean? Did you kiss? Did you make out? Did you have sex? What does it mean? It's an awfully vague phrase."

Colton chuckled. "I hear ya. No, we kissed we…we didn't have sex, but…" Evan nodded, not wishing to hear anymore from Colton.

"Did you talk?"

Colton nodded. "Yeah. It was good. We never really got to talk about things. Our rocky beginning. The Jacqueline thing. How we felt about each other."

"And how do you feel about each other?"

Colton thought about it, unable to articulate it. "I think… I think it's like we need each other." Evan nodded, proud of Colton for acting responsible in the difficult situation. "Hey, Evan? I'm sorry I was all over you in that game. That was… that was not cool of me, and I know you've got your own stuff, and I shouldn't have done it, and I know you probably didn't want it. So sorry."

Evan shrugged. "It's fine. Just seems people enjoy kissing me at the exact wrong moment."

Colton laughed at this. "Yeah."

"It was a good kiss though."

"Yeah it was. I wouldn't mind doing it again."

Evan gave Colton an annoyed look. "Really? Didn't you learn anything from talking with Coda?" Colton thought about it, then whispered something in Evan's ear. "Ok, see Colton, that is a detail I'd rather not know." Colton laughed as Evan sighed, wondering what the heck he was going to do with his friend, the trouble-making, flirty, lovable extrovert.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok a few things:  
> -This was going to be more about Evan and Jared originally, but it turned into this somehow.  
> -If you actually enjoyed Colton and Coda's antics, you can learn more about them and their friends by following and asking questions to their ask blog, https://asklosingfaith.tumblr.com/  
> -I also have a tumblr, http://official-didney-worl-elmo.tumblr.com/  
> -I feel like there's something else I'm forgetting but I'll edit this if I remember
> 
> The original fic now has something like 240 kudos, so thank you so much! I really appreciate how you guys have been reacting to these one shots, so I think I'm going to do a few more. If you've been reading "Whatever" know that I am working on chapter three, but I've been suffering from severe lack of motivation recently and dealing with some personal problems so yeah that kinda sucks, but it's coming. Thank you so much for your continued support, I hope I'll have something new to show you soon!


End file.
